Let’s Talk About Boobs

OMG breastfeeding.

I keep thinking it’s a good thing that there are so many health benefits to nursing because otherwise I wouldn’t have even bothered this time, it was such a disaster last time. I mean.. maybe not a complete disaster, but it was definitely not all rainbows and sunshine and puppies like I had hoped. I felt like I fought it for months last time. Seriously, like me against breastfeeding where my baby and my body were like “don’t do this” and I was just damn determined not to let it beat me. In the end I would call it a draw. I got him off the nipple shield and nursing fairly well, and while I always had supply problems I did get my supply up somewhat, but never enough to not supplement with formula.

I know all the books are like “Your problem is probably not low supply because it’s so rare” but I fed on demand, I pumped after all daytime feedings, I took herbs, I did everything the lactation consultant told me to to the point of it driving me nearly crazy and in the end it didn’t really make a difference. I nursed him til he was 6-7 months old and supplemented with formula the whole time. Eventually I switched to formula only because pumping at work pretty much stopped working and he was pretty much not interested any more because nursing took longer than a bottle and did not allow him to look around the room to keep tabs on everything that was going on.

So far things have gone much better with Harper. Aside from one night in the hospital when I had already nursed her for like 30 minutes and she was still starving, we haven’t had to give her any formula! (I asked them to give her a bottle in the nursery at the hospital because my milk had not come in yet and man that baby was hungry and MAD.) She nurses fairly well (although she does have trouble staying awake sometimes which is frustrating) and she’s usually pretty quick about it taking 25-30 minutes (but of course there are times when it’s like 45 minutes later and I’m starting to get suspicious.. like when did nursing end and comfort sucking yourself to sleep begin? Because OH HELL NO).

All that being said, I just do not love nursing. I feel bad saying that, but I really don’t. Fortunately I know it gets easier, faster, and better or else I’d have thrown in the towel already. I mean it’s hard being tethered to the couch for 30-45 minutes or more out of every 3 hours. Plus being the only one who can get up and feed the baby in the middle of the night sucks sometimes, but dammit, this time I am totally winning this war and I’m not going to quit now (although MAN my freaking boobs still hurt sometimes… not like in the beginning when I literally dreaded feedings because holy crap that shit HURT, but now it’s more of a dull achy, kind of bruised feeling that I don’t remember from last time that I’m hoping also goes away with time. it’s awesome).

And for anyone with one kid wondering about how it is having two now.. I think feeding Harper is the hardest part of my day most of the time (sometimes that’s tied with getting two kids out of the house to go somewhere). Because that’s 30-45 minutes that I have to be sitting in a chair not playing with Jack. We try to read books, sometimes we watch a TV show or a few youtube videos or something, but it still sucks.

One thought on “Let’s Talk About Boobs

  1. Martha

    I was surprised how hard breast feeding turned out to be and really, compared to a lot of people, it was not actually that hard for me. I’m sorry you don’t love it but I’m really glad you’re doing it anyway (not that it’s any of my business, right?) 🙂 The nice thing about breast feeding is every day you do it benefits your baby so even though you had to supplement Jack he still got a lot out of the breast milk he got, and if you decide to quit with Harper she will have benefited from the breast milk she already got too.


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